Its a .....?

Healthy little boy! Everything looked great. At this Thanksgiving...we are thankful for so much in our lives. Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!!!

I need to stop!!!

Lately, I have been fixating on trying to feel the baby move. For some reason, I am panicking that when I go next Wednesday for my five month sono, they will not find a heartbeat. I cant help but think that this pregnancy was a miracle and that something is going to happen. I know I shouldn't think like that...but I am. I need to stop.

I guess I have had so much "loss" in my life for the past two years that I am still expecting that feeling. I am trying to enjoy it...but cant help but wonder if everything will be alright at the sonogram on Wednesday.

Deep in my heart, I know everything is fine. I am still sick...which is a good sigh, I guess. And I do feel the baby move. But after having so much loss in my life when it comes to babys...its hard for me to think positive.

I am just ready for the sonogram to find out the sex. Then I think I will be better. Like I said in my previous post...it will make it more real. I can start planning the nursery. Start shopping. Start looking at names. Making it more real.

There is no reason to worry about the baby besides me being just plain scared!

Sorry!!

I am still here! I am very sorry that I have been out of touch recently.

I am currently 19 weeks pregnant and still very sick. To date, I have lost 19 pounds. Doctor isnt too concerned yet due to the baby is on schedule as far as size. He said as long as I am keeping one meal down a day...then I am good. Some days, I can keep more than that down. But then there are others that are just plain terrible. Days that make me want to stay in bed all day.

We find out the sex of the baby on the 24th of this month. I am super excited to find out. I think it will make it all more real. Plus, it will make my throwing up daily a little easier to know that this is really happening! There really is a baby inside of me!

I have thought about writing on here many times....but I feel guilty for being pregnant. I was once in those shoes reading other women's blog about becoming pregnant. I pray daily for those struggling with infertility. I pray that there will be an answer, one way or another for each and everyone of them.

I promise, I will write more often. I am sorry that I have been gone for so long. I am a part time photographer and this is my busiest time of the year. That, having a three year old, and being sick on top of it all....I barely have time to think! But I promise I will keep you guys up to date!

Thanks for the kind words!

Still Alive....

And yes...still pregnant. 11 weeks today!

I am sorry I haven't posted in almost a month but this pregnancy has got me on the couch as much as possible. Not because of possible miscarriage...but because of trying to keep food down. I have currently lost 8 pounds. I am sick morning, noon, and night. Every once in a while...I will get lucky and have a middle of the night sickness! ;) I am on all the meds I can be on. Have tried every trick in the book. And I even got a cool wrist watch looking thingy that shoots electrical shocks to my stomach. None of them work.

Other than being very sick, everything is going great! Its still hard to believe some times that this is happening. I am almost done with the first trimester and only pray that the sickness will get better with the 2nd. Will try to get you more up to day!

Our Little Peanut

Meet our little peanut! This little peanut has caused so much drama in its first 8 weeks of life that everyone is convinced that it is a girl! LOL.

Went to our RE today and everything looked great. Due date is still April 14, 2011..but since I will have a scheduled C-section I could schedule it for as early as April 7th! We are still in shock but thanking God every day for this miracle!

Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday...O MY~

Friday - I had already had my annual Pelvic and Pap Smear scheduled two months ago. It was expired and I went ahead and made it not knowing that I would be become pregnant. So, Friday morning, I had my annual stuff done. Thought he might do a quick sonogram but he didnt. Scheduled one for Sept. 1st.

Friday night - Inserted my progesterone supplement and there it was...bright red blood. This could not be happening. I immediately called my friend who is an OBGYN Nurse in Labor and Delivery. She lives down the street and came over. I also called my next door neighbor, "Big Sister" Michelle, who also works as a nurse. After my OBGYN friend examined my blood (Yes, we are that close! lol)...she was convinced that the Pelvic and Pap caused the bleeding. So, did the on call doctor. Fall asleep crying and hoping that I would not become pregnant and have a miscarriage the whole time my husband is in China.

Saturday morning - Woke up to lots of cramping and more blood. Decided to go to the ER. Had a neighbor watch Conner. A friend met me there. Saw the baby for the first time. Heart rate was perfect....122bpm. Cervix was closed. BETA was 55,000+. Of course, the stupid doctor that looked younger than me didnt know if it was caused from the Pap/Pelvic or if I was going to miscarry. But since everything looked good with my numbers and the baby... it was probably from the Pap/Pelvic.

Saturday afternoon- bleeding had stopped.

Saturday night - Pick husband up from the airport and just cry in his arms for about an hour when we get home.

Sunday - Threw up pretty much all day long.

Monday - Threw up all day. Called doctors office to ask for some meds for sickness. When the doctors office called back..they said..."We forgot to tell you on Friday that sometimes a Pap and Pelvic can cause bleeding for 24 to 72 hours after it has been done. Especially on early pregnant women. Did you have any?"

Due Date: April 14, 2011. 7 weeks pregnant.

Chillin

Some of you are wanting more updates...but I don't have any. Which is good, I think. I am currently visiting my parents in Texas until Thursday. Just relaxing and trying to take it easy. I have an OBGYN appointment on Friday. Then my first sonogram on the 27Th. Still on supplements twice a day. Other than that....just chillin!

So, that is all the news I have right now. Will update you after my OBGYN appointment on Friday!

Friday Levels

So, Beta almost tripled again. Progesterone did come up a little but I would have like to have seen it come up more. I am still nervous with the last Progesterone levels. They are still wanting them to be around 20. I do not have anymore blood work until I go for my sonogram on the 27th. Just praying and hoping that we make it to there!

Monday's Beta - 725
Wednesday's Beta - 1,914
Friday's Beta - 4,917

Monday's Progesterone - 6.1
Friday's Progesterone - 10.5

So Far, So Good!

They did not test my progesterone levels today. But will check them again on Friday. But my Beta more than doubled. Which is a good sign!!!!
Have my first sonogram scheduled for the 27th. Still crossing my fingers for Fridays progesterone levels!

Mondays Beta = 725
Wednesdays Beta =1,914

Overwhelmed!!

So, last week I finally realized that I was late on AF. I was in denial. I mean why would I be pregnant? We have spent $25,000 on Fertility Treatments and none of them worked...so why would I become pregnant naturally?

Well, I finally took a pregnancy test...and YES...I am pregnant! The good ole fashion way! I have to say that Acupuncture truly helped me become pregnant. So, many emotions are going through me right now.

I am very scared and overwhelmed. I went to get my blood work done today with the Fertility Clinic that I have been going through. My progesterone levels came back very low. They want them to be 20 or more. Mine were 6. Around 4 is a miscarriage.

They immediately put me on the progesterone supplements. I had to be on them with my first child but my levels were not this low. The Nurse Practitioner assured me not to worry yet. She said she has seen many women with levels this low that end up giving birth. But I am extremely scared.

To make this great news even more emotional....my husband is teaching in China for 21 days. I told him I was pregnant over the phone. I haven't even been able to hug him.

I go back on Wednesday for more blood to see if the levels have gone up. I am extremely nervous. Once I found out I was pregnant, I kept saying..."This is too good to be true, something is going to happen."

So, my statement was made real yesterday. One miracle has happened this month, I only hope that God has one more miracle left in him!

Expire?

I have two boxes of Progesterone Supplements in the Ice Box. How long until they are no good?

Big Brother?

Today, while my husband and son were at Toys R Us...out of the blue my three year old asked my husband "when was he going to be a Big Brother?" My husband didn't know what to say. But it really upset my husband. When my husband told me this, I asked him never to tell me these things. I do not need the extra guilt. It breaks my heart to hear my son say those things. It just makes my heart ache more. The guilt is already overwhelming and to hear him say those things out loud...is extremely heart breaking! So, I asked my husband never to tell me anything that my son says about siblings. I need him to be ignorant and not know what a Big Brother is!

Of course, when my husband told me this...I teared up. I am still so torn on what to do when it comes to infertility. Do I adopt? Do we proceed with another IVF? For my son's sake, I just want a clear answer. I need to know what to do!

A Sign?

This picture is from Vacation Bible School over a week ago. While taking this picture, I didn't really notice what my son's class was holding up. I was too in the moment taking pictures and being a proud parent. But after looking at them this morning....I noticed what his class was holding up! Hope! Something that I need. Is this God's sign for me not to give up?

New Guy

There is a new guy in my life. My acupuncturist. He seems to know a lot more than my last one. We spent about an hour talking about pretty much everything about my body and my lifestyle. Just like me, he is very confused on why I haven't gotten pregnant yet. All my levels are within the normal range and I became pregnant on my first IUI with little man.

Though, after telling him about my birthing experience with Little Man....he began to wonder if the trauma my body went through has yet to heal. I went through a lot of trauma giving birth. My uterus would not stop bleeding...had to take it out to get it to stop...lost some blood...low blood pressure...high blood pressure...went backwards...(8 cm. dilated to 7cm.) You name it...it happened.
After an emergency C-section...our little man finally made it into the world. But I felt the effects for quite a while. In a nut shell, he believes that taken out of Uterus has interrupted my "Chi." LOL. That sounds funny to say it....but he also said with all the fertility drugs I have been on in the past 16 months and then the previous birth experience...he said female wise...I was a mess.

I told him of our "plan" to take a break on Western Medicine and then try back again in Jan. He was happy that we were still going to try but he wants me to not think about the Western Medicine. He wants my mind to be clear of all W.M. Infertility treatments. I told him I would try but easier said then done. :)

So, it was a very good appointment and hope that it will help. All I know is that I had a terrible headache when I got there..(never told him about this) and when I left it was gone. So, I know acupuncture works...just hope it works on me in the "right" places!

Levels?

This is a short entry......

I am starting with a new acupuncturist and he is wanting to know some of my hormones levels. Such as...Estrodial, FSH, and LH. Was curious if anyone who has done acupuncture if they needed or has reported their levels to their acupuncturist?

Just was curious. The last lady I went to never asked about these things...so was curious if him asking and wanting to know is a good thing or bad thing?

Forgiveness

My son and I have been attending this years Vacation Bible School. My son, in the three year old class and myself as a volunteer. We just love our church and love spending time there.

Forgiveness was tonight's subject. At the end of the night, all the kids and volunteers meet up in the church for one last discussion about the nights topic. As the director got up , she started asking everyone if they forgive? She went around the room and asked several kids if they forgive. As she walked by the three year olds...she spotted my son and asked....

"Do you forgive your brother or sister when they are mean to you or take your toys away from you?"

Not really understanding the question, my son nods. The lady asking the question didn't know about my fertility problems. The lady sitting next to me did. I kept looking forward like it didn't bother me. I didn't know how to react. I couldn't cry. I couldn't make a scene and stand up and shout.."he has no siblings, you idiot!" I just sat there like she had asked another child that question. As I got up when we were dismissed, the lady sitting next to me...just smiled and said.."I am still praying for you!" I said thank you and headed to find my little man.

The drive home was a quiet one. Usually little man and I talk about things. But tonight, I didn't feel like talking. The "only child" issue has been on my mind a lot lately. I read a blog several days ago about a woman who was pondering whether one child was enough.

I feel guilty a lot of times when I tell other infertile women that I have one child...while they are still waiting for their first. I usually get..."At least you have one!" But to me, the feeling I had while doing infertility with my first child is the same if not worse with this second child. To want something so bad and not to be able to have it...hurts just as bad as it did with the first child.

Yes, I already have one child of my own. But I want another. I want him to have a sibling. I want our home to be complete and its not yet. Tonight was the first time that I realized that my son will soon be starting to ask why he doesn't have a brother or sister. It scared me tonight. I want him to remain as innocent as possible. I want to shelter him from the truth. I don't want him to be disappointed.

So, forgiveness was the topic of tonight's Vacation Bible School. Will my son forgive me if we decide not to go forth with anymore treatments or adoption? Will he forgive us if he becomes an only child? Will I forgive myself for failing? Forgive? Only time will tell.

Updates

Wanted to give a update on the three ladies in my previous post!

Amy - Perfect! That is how her babies heart looked! Perfect! Everything looks great and she is excited that they are having a little girl.

Susan - Surgery got re-scheduled for July 15th due to over booked surgeries. Will keep you posted on her.

MIL - Is back in the hospital. Though, her oxygen levels are great, her carbon dioxide levels are super high. They believe that she has major sleep apnea. When she breaths at night...she never exhales. Therefore, her lungs are constantly filling up with air and toxic air. This could also explain her heart problems as well. She will remain in the hospital for several days to do more test. We still have a long road ahead of us...but I believe that we are finally getting some answers.

Thoughts and Prayers

There are three people in my life that are going through a difficult time,right now. I normally do not ask for others to help pray for my friends....but I feel that these three women need some extra prayers coming their ways.

Amy - three years ago her second child, Sylas, was born. Everything about Sylas was perfect, except for the whole in his heart. After living for 61 days, Sylas became an Angel and went to heaven. Three years later, Amy is expecting again. This pregnancy has been very hard for her. She is in fear that this pregnancy will end like the last one....childless. Tomorrow, she goes for her "Specialist Sonogram." This sonogram will determine if everything is ok with baby. She is having a hard time. She is almost refusing to go to the doctor. She is in tears non stop. There is not much I can say to her that will calm her. I ask God that everything will turn out and to help ease Amy's pain.

Susan - My best friend from college. Been married once..but divorced three years into her marriage. Childless. Just found out that she has a rare form of ovarian cancer. The tumor on her ovary is equivalent to her being five months pregnant. She is having emergency surgery tomorrow morning. She is trying to be brave but I can tell that she is scared to death. She has talked about being childless and how that scares her. I am asking God to be with her tomorrow during her surgery.

MIL - Has been battling a lung problem for quite some time now. Everyday, she becomes worse and worse. Though, she has never smoked a cigarette in her life...her lungs seem to be portraying someone who has smoked all their lives. I am praying for her recovering...but I am also praying for my husband. I know death is a part of the life cycle...but I feel like his mother is way to young to leave us. She is only 63. Though, her and I have never really got along, I respect her because she raised my husband to be the man that I married.

So, even if you don't believe in a higher power, I am asking that you send "Good Vibes" towards each one of these women. Each in a different state...Missouri, Texas, and Maryland. May they all find peace and comfort in whatever comes their way!

My Safe Place

Everyone has a "Safe Place." To some, a safe place is the house they grew up in. To others, its familiar smells and sounds of home cooking. To most children, its a pacifier or blankie. My "Safe Place?".....Austin, Texas!

Austin, Texas has been one the happiest place for me. Nothing but good things happened to me while living in Austin. To me, Austin is a sign of "Hope." When I moved here....everything was hopeful. I was hopeful in getting a college degree. Hopeful, in finding the man of my dreams. Hopeful, of one day becoming pregnant. All those "hopes" and dreams became true in Austin, Texas.

This weekend, we have returned to Austin to celebrate our Five Year Anniversary. (July 2nd) It was a last minute decision and something I am glad that we did. We dropped little man off at Grandma/Grandpa's and we are off for a fun weekend filled of laughter, friends, and great memories.

While driving into Austin, I noticed a familiar place. The Fertility Clinic that I used to become pregnant with my son. It brought tears to my eyes. Not necessarily because I am not pregnant. But because that was a time of hope and encouragement. There was never a moment that I thought..."I wont become pregnant!" It was an exciting time to be starting to "start" a family.

Now, I look back and sometimes wish I could go back to those "hopeful" days. Days that started with a positive attitude and ended with one. Now, I do not have much hope anyone. My days filled with youth and ignorance are gone.

I am worn down inside. My heart weighs so much right now, that I couldn't possibly think that there was any room for hope.

Everything in my life that was of any importance was all done here in Austin. Graduated college in Austin. Got my first "real" job, (that I loved) in Austin. Met the man of my dreams. Got engaged. Got married. And finally, two months before leaving Austin for Missouri, we found out that our IUI had worked. Little Man came 9 months later!

I long for those days. I truly do. I long for the days of "hope." Days of when life was so much easier. Not necessarily things like not paying for a mortgage or car payment...but when life was all about hope. When you just knew everything was going to work out.

I will continue to pray for hope and peace. But being back here is exciting but sad at the same time. I am going to try to enjoy my husband and our friends and be blessed for what I already have!

What is the true meaning of family?

When I use to hear the word "family" I would immediately think of my relatives that I am blood related to. They consisted of a Mom, Dad, Sister, Grandpa, Grandma...etc. Though these are my blood family...my definition of what the word family means as changed.

I have a 'good' relationship with my sister. Not great, but not bad. We are completely two different women that just happen to come from the same Mother. We live two completely different lives. I love my sister and would do anything for her. But our relationship has become different as we have grown older.

As I started the IVF journey almost three months ago, she was not on board with the idea. She told my Mother that it was wrong that I was creating life this way. Her exact words..."Its not ok to kill someone...but its ok to create a life?"

We both grew up Catholic. Went to a private Catholic School. Everyone in our family is Catholic. So, it didn't surprise me too much that she felt this way. I understood where she was coming from but since she had not been in my shoes, she had no right to judge.

She actually never told me how she felt about this situation...I accidentally read it on an email that was sent to my Mother. So, I was even more hurt that she was pretending to support me through this hard journey called IVF...but yet criticizing my judgement behind my back.

Four years ago, we moved away from family for my husbands job. I thought the world had ended. I was almost three months pregnant and had no one here to share it with. It was a very miserable time. All I wanted to do was move back closer to family.

But after two years of living here....we have got a new family. Friends! We have a handful (if not more) of friends that will go above and beyond for us. Friends that will stop everything and help us out with babysitting accommodations.

When I started the IVF process, I had so many friends that checked in on me. Friends that sent flowers. Friends that pitched in and bought me a Spa gift card. Friends that gave me their DVD collection to watch while on bedrest. Friends that just happen to be nurses and would give me the booty shots. (now, that is a good friend) All around just awesome friends.

This weekend, my sister and her husband came to visit. We had a 'good' time but the whole time she was here...I was wondering if she was judging me. Judging me for giving my son a hot dog instead of an Organic Hot dog. Or judging me because my son still sucks his thumb. I never truly know what she thinks of me. She says one thing...but I have found that is not necessarily how she truly feels.

As my sister and I were in the car...we were talking about if we would ever move back to Texas. I told her that we were not going anywhere any time soon. (if ever) She seemed a little shocked..and I didn't go into detail. But we have family here,now! When I feel like I cant be myself around a blood family member...then it makes me super grateful for our friends that have now become a part of our family and whom I can be myself around.

When I became pregnant with my first child, my sister was the first person I called. Not my husband but my sister. With this next child, I am not sure when I will call her. Trying to become pregnant with this child has taken a toll on my family. It has shown me how they truly feel about infertility. So, if I happen to become pregnant again through infertility...I shall tell the 'family' that supported me through this difficult time.

I am not writing this blog to bash my sister. She would do anything for me as well. I just wish that I could be myself around her. I wish I could let my hair down in front of her and let her see who I truly am!

My mother was amazing through the process. She came and stayed with us for two weeks during the IVF. But just like my sister, I am not quite sure what she thinks of it all either. I get mixed emotions from her from time to time. My sister and Mom is the reason why I closed my other blog and never told them about this one.

Family is mostly defined as someone that has come from the same background/genes. But as I was shown this weekend, family is much more than that. Embrace your friends as they can sometimes be the only ones that truly appreciate who you are!

Why?

Why do I do this to myself? Why do I think I can become pregnant on my own? I thought doing acupuncture and taking the DHEA for two months would let me become pregnant on my own. I was going to be one of these women that got pregnant on their own after all the failed fertility treatments. Why? Why do I do this every month? Why do I pysch myself out and then when she arrives...it just breaks me.

And to make it worse....I have no one to cry to. My husband and little man are out of town. And just when I need to hold both of them....I cant.

Why? Why do I do this to myself every month! When will I learn that I can not become pregnant on my own and possibly ever?!

When will I learn? When will I be happy again? When I will find peace? When will the emptiness inside go away? When? When?

Any advice??

I recently had a close friend approach me with some fertility questions. She said that her and her husband had been trying for several months to get pregnant and so far were unsuccessful. She asked if I had any "tricks" that doctors had told me about or that I had read about. After go through a list of things. She then giggles and says.."Wow, you know a lot! You should be a doctor!" After I thought about it...I realized how much I do know. LOL. Here are some things that I have learned through research and doing Infertility treatments myself!

1. When trying to become pregnant....try to eliminate some if not all caffeine.
2. For some reason, my fertility doctor has told me to stay away from "Artificial Sugar" such as Sweet & Low, Diet drinks...etc. Those artificial sugars causes infertility.
3. A study has been shown that women who live in the states with no a lot of sunshine...tend to have a higher rate of infertility than the sunnier states like Florida. So get at least 15 minutes of sunlight on as much part of your body as you can!
4. If at all possible, eat all Organic. All the extra hormones put in the meats and food has been a top source of why infertility is on the rise!
5. A new study has shown that taking a small dose of over the counter male hormone, DHEA, can improve the quality of your eggs. Infertility clinics in New York are currently using them for their patients that have Diminished Ovarian Reserve.
6. Having husband take 1000mg of Vitamin C daily, can double and sometimes triple their sperm count.
7. Take a 80mg of Baby Aspirin daily to help with blood flow.
8. After having intercourse, lay flat on your back with a pillow under your hips. Lay there for about 15 minutes. Yes, people think its an old wives tale...but all of my fertility doctors have done it after every treatment.
9. For 24 hours after having intercourse or an IUI, do not take a hot bath. If you take a shower make it a warm one and quick. The rise in body temperature can kill off sperm who might have not yet made it up the "road".
10. Acupuncture has been proven to help with infertility. I was never a believer of it...but it has proven me wrong.
11. Exercise!!

It all sounds so simple. Follow these simple rules and you should have no problems becoming pregnant!! HA! I wish it was that simple. But hopefully, it might help for someone!

Acupunture and more!

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would become one of these women's that goes to an acupuncturist. Well, I am! I went to my first one on Wednesday and it wasn't half bad. I had made the appointment almost two weeks in advance....but didn't tell the husband. I knew what his reaction would be. Negative. He doesn't believe in that stuff and I didn't want to hear his negativity. But to my surprise...when I told him...he said "Ok."
"OK?" He then told me that yes he doesn't believe in it...but at this point he would try anything. I had to give him credit. He wasn't really on board with it...but knew we needed to try pretty much anything. I told him about all the research I had done about it. He was impressed and said that I should give it a try. We ended the conversation with me saying.."Western medicine hasn't helped us...so lets try the Chinese! " We will see.

I think I have been doing pretty good. But then this last week, I have been down for some reason. The feeling of emptiness went away for a while but now its back. I have several friends that are pregnant. When I say several, I mean like 7+. I am very excited for all of them. I always ask about each and everyone of their pregnancies. I love pregnant belly's! Always have. I loved being pregnant myself. And if I knew that I possibly would not have another...I would have cherished it more.

My son is at that age where everyone is asking "Does he have a sibling?" or like that Jazzercise lady said.."He really needs a little sister!" And he is starting to pick up on it. After the Jazzercise lady made that comment I quickly explained that yes, we are trying and left it at that. She then said it again and talked about how well he played with the 6 month old baby girl in the nursery. As I was driving off, my little man said...
"I don't want a sister."
"You don't?"
" No"
"Ok."
It made my day.I had to laugh a little out loud. I wanted to jump out of the car and tell that Jazzercise lady.."See my son is just fine with being an only child!" LOL It was just what I needed. Not sure if he meant he didn't want a sister but wanted a brother. But either way, it was priceless and made my day.

Society is so use to there being more than one child in the household. So, its only the norm to ask if there is a sibling. When people ask, it makes me feel like I am doing harm to my child by not having a bro/sis. Sometimes I just want to say..."Is it any of your business?" But I don't. I put on that great Texas Charm and answer politely!

We are still just taking it easy and trying to enjoy life. Trying is the word. My husband of course, never mentions infertility or a baby unless I do. So, I never know where he stands on the issue.

So, trying to enjoy life is what we are doing. Hopefully, while enjoying life, a surprise baby will join us!

It's been a while....

Sorry it has been a while since I last posted. Honestly, its been kind of nice not to post. If I don't write about it then I don't think about it, right? Wrong! I think about it all the time. My husband has no idea how much I still think about it all. No one does!

I am a firm believer in "Mind over Matter" and " Think positive!" So, I have been telling myself that for about a month now. I have been telling myself how lucky I am. And how wonderful my life is.
But inside...there is this emptiness that hasn't gone away yet. On the outside, I am fine! I am telling myself that this is the way its suppose to be for now. And God has a plan...blah..blah..blah. I do believe in God. I do. But in all honesty...I am disappointed in him right now. Not mad...just disappointed in him.

I have a very hard time understanding how teenage girls and drug addicts become pregnant...but us women who truly want to love another human being..can not! I don't ask for million dollar diamonds. I don't ask for expensive vacations. I don't ask for much. Just the simple things in life. Like a baby.

I am a stay at home Mom with a photography business on the side. So, two days a week my son goes to a little preschool so I can get work done. In his class, he has two little sweet girls whose mother either just had a baby or is pregnant. So, my son comes home and puts a balloon in his tummy and says..."Look Mommy...I am having a baby!" Do you know how much I wanted to just sit and cry. I asked his teachers if he did that at school. They then explained to me that the two little girls do it and he plays with them. GREAT!!! One of these days, he will ask..."Why don't I have a bro/sis?"

I go back and forth with emotions. One day, I am like...He has plenty of people around him to shower him with love. He has tons of older friends in the neighborhood that play with him just like siblings would. We have two boys across the street that I basically call my own. So, he will not miss out on anything. But then I flash back to my childhood and how fun I had with my sister. Yes, we have had a lot of drama in our adult years. But overall, we have a great relationship.

I go back and worth with its all going to work out. This is the way its suppose to be. There are tons of kids that are only children. I just go back and forth with everything.

But there is just something inside of me to not give up. I have really good gut instincts. I knew after just two days of all my fertility treatments that I wasn't pregnant. I just always have these gut feeling. And right now, my gut is telling me that I will still become pregnant. Its just hard because I don't know how or when.

Right now, the house is a little stressed due to money! When we first started the IVF process, we both knew we really couldn't afford it. But knew that extra money would be coming in from my husbands work towards summer. We knew that there would be about 2 months that we would be poor. And boy, we were right! But my husband reminds me all the time how much we are in debt.
Our five year anniversary is coming up in July. We had always said we were going to go somewhere for that. But now...we cant afford it. And that angers me so much. Because I caused our debt problems. If I could become pregnant on my own...we would never have $26,000 in debt. Then we could go on our 5 year Anniversary vacation.

So, the plan for now....is to take a break. For about 6-8 months. Then re-evaluate. I am doing better. I have to. I cant let this control my life for ever. I just cant. I have to move on for my family and more importantly for my son. But I am just wondering when I will feel like myself again. Or will I ever until that need is met?

Truly Blessed

During this hard time, I have been reminded daily of how blessed I truly am. Not only blessed in materialistic things but in family and friends. I know in one of my past post I complained about how I was ready for people to basically stop calling and asking how I was doing. But now that I look back, how selfish was I? Those people truly care about me and was making sure that I was alright.
During the past month, I have had friends that have done sweet little jesters for me. From bringing over their DVD collections while on bed rest. To the daily calls. And today, a group of friends all pitched in and bought me a gift card to a Spa. They stated that I needed to take care of myself and that they are always here for me. Of course, I started bawling. Not necessarily because of "why" I got the gift card but because I am truly blessed to have people think so much of me.
So, my goal starting today is no more..."Poor me!" I am blessed beyond words! I am blessed for all my new blog friends. I am just truly blessed. So, thank you to everyone who has called, emailed, prayed, or have given me little treats. I can not thank you enough! All I can say is I am truly blessed!

Many emotions

Over the past five days, I have had an over whelming range of emotions. Wednesday, the day I found out, I was sad. Cried hard mostly all day. Thursday, had peace about the situation. Friday, back to being sad. Saturday, just plain mad about the whole situation.

My husband and I have been talking back and forth about the adoption situation. Do we or don't we? We cant afford a private agency. So, we will have to go with the State. Foster to adopt. But we cant see ourselves falling in love with a child and then having the possibility of them leaving us. How would we explain that to our three year old? Here is your new brother/sister!!! Then one day...he or she is gone. I wish we could afford a private adoption agency....but with all of the infertility bills we have right now, there is no way.

I wish I had the feeling that I had on Thursday. PEACE. But I don't anymore. I keep telling people that I am ok and that this is how its suppose to be. But deep down, I am not ready to quite. I am just not! I am not ok. I try to be. I try to accept that I might never have another biological child. But somehow, I can not expect that right now. I don't know if its God telling me not to quite. Or just that gut feeling that I have had from the day that I was born.

I for sure am not doing anymore "Dr.s" for a long time. We are taking at least a 6 month break. We need to get caught up on bills from the past year and a half. $25,000 is our debt so far. I am trying to take a mental break as well and to enjoy life. But right now, its not going so well.

This afternoon, I went to a baby shower of a girlfriend of mine. I walked in and I felt sick to my stomach. Not only was my friend pregnant but about half of the women there were. Or had newborns with them. I wanted to turn around and walk out. But I didn't. I found someone that I knew and focused on making small talk. I made it through the entire shower...but cried all the way home.

I know it hasn't been a week yet since I got the news. And my hormones are still high. Its only been five days since my last shot. And of course, Mother Nature was terrible this month. I guess do to all the stress/hormones and procedures. I wish I knew what to do. What should I do? What should I do? Someone tell me...what should I do?

Right now, are plan is to take about a six month break...then re-evaluate our plan. I am praying that we will be one of those people that have done tons of infertility treatments...and then became pregnant on our own. But not counting on it.

I just want peace with whatever is meant to be. But right now, I am not convinced that we are finished. I just wish I could feel good again. Feel like I have my life back. But I cant. I am ready for the pain and the feeling of failure to go away. I have been patient enough. Our luck has to turn around sometime, right? I have been through enough. Since I was 17.....this all started. I am ready for my time to be over with and I can retire with the Infertility.

I do trust that God knows what he is doing. He is the author of my life. But it doesn't mean that I have to like it. I just want peace. That's it...peace!

DHEA

I have been doing some research on helping Ovarian Reserve. One thing that I did find was a supplement over the counter called DHEA. Most of the websites say positive things about it...but was curious if anyone has every used it and had success with it.?

Once I become a little more in control...I will write a longer blog about my negative Beta.

Trying to be positive!?

Top ten reasons on why being not pregnant is great!

1. NO MORE SHOTS OR HORMONES!!!!

2. I can drink Caffeine...Good Morning, Dr. Pepper!

3. Hola, Margartia

4. I can return to Jazzercise

5. I can return my butter to its normal place in the fridge and throw out those meds.

6. I can finally chase my little boy around

7. My bathroom cabinets can return to being a towel and toilet paper holder instead of a med cabinet.

8. When my son ask if I will jump on the trampoline with him...I can say "YES!"

9.I can take a scalding hot bath if I want!

10. And last but not least....I can return back to a some what normal life!

Negative

My Beta was negative this morning. I had a feeling all along. I feel like I have lost two babies. My heart aches.

Tomorrow....

Tomorrow is the day! My wonderful beta test. At first, I had the feeling that I wasn't pregnant...but now I cant tell. I am cramping...but not as much as I have in the past with my IUI's. So, I don't know what to expect tomorrow.

One thing I am sure of...is I am ready for this to be all over with. One way or another. Over the past month since I have told people I am doing IVF....I have felt like I have had cancer. People have been calling me and asking me constantly..."How are you?" Its not that they called to ask how I was....it was the sound in their voice. Like I have experienced a death or something. I am truly grateful for each phone call...just ready to get my life back.

I have had four women in the past two weeks tell me they were pregnant. They all told me different stories of their pregnancies...but one thing they all had in common was that they were afraid to tell me. I told them that I wouldn't wish this on anyone and am happy for anyone who is pregnant. Then I have a friend who is pregnant and planning on coming up to visit from Texas in May. I asked her if she had gotten her plane tickets yet and she said no. She then told me she was going to wait until I got my test back. I laughed and said..."So, you aren't coming up if I am not pregnant because you are afraid I would get mad at you for being pregnant!?"

So, I am tired of being treated like I have some kind of disease. I completely understand why each one of these women were a little nervous to tell me. I really do. But at the same time, these women know me very well and I thought they would know me well enough to know that I don't have ill feelings for people who are pregnant.

Some women who have fertility problems become ill at the sight of a pregnant women. I guess because I have already been pregnant ....it doesn't bother me. What I become angry at is women who brag about how easy it was to become pregnant. Or how just looking at their husbands get them pregnant. And lastly the women who are upset because their pregnancy was an "accident."

I am trying to be positive about tomorrow. I truly am. Everyone keeps telling me that this is the one! But I am also trying to be realistic. I have had 5 failed IUI's and two failed clomid cycles in the past 12 months. I remained positive through each one of them. But there comes a point where you just cant remain positive anymore. It wears on you. You get let down so many times that you feel broken.

I am ready for whatever God brings me tomorrow. If it is negative....then I will have a couple of days to grieve my two little babies that didn't make it. But then I will move on and continue life. We will start the process of adoption. Anymore money spent...will be spent on something I know we will get. No more gambling.

If the beta is positive tomorrow.......tears will be shed as well. I am thankful for my son who is not wanting me to be on the computer right now. lol. I am thankful for all the phone calls. I am thankful for all the positive comments on my blogs.

I heard a song the other day by Kings of Leon and I have adopted one of their phrases in the song. I believe it is my motto for life.

"Taken all I have to take, cause taken is whats going to shape me!"

5:02 a.m.

5:02 a.m. - Me- lying awake and thinking

5:02 a.m. - DH - Snoring away

Men have it so easy!

I shouldn't have

I did it. I told myself I wasn't going to do it. I was going to be strong and wait for the blood test on Wednesday. I am 4dp5dt. But this morning, I took a "5 day early" pregnancy test. And I saw nothing. My husbands cousin is going to be mad at me. But I couldn't stop myself. It did confirm my feelings.

Didn't tell my husband or mother. I will tell my husband later today after Mom leaves. But for now.......not sure.......

Crying non stop

I have done nothing but cry for the past twenty- four hours. I am not sure why. I know its only two days past transfer...but I just have this feeling that I am not pregnant. Its the same feeling I had with the other failed attempts. I just don't know how to describe it. But I just have this feeling that I am not pregnant.
I wish I knew all the answers. But I am severely depressed right now. I cant stop crying. Maybe its coming off of all the hormones. I was on the highest dosage they give. I sure hope I am wrong about these feeling. I hope that God makes a miracle. But right now, I am just not convinced.

Who's in Da House?

One of my friends came over yesterday to check on me. She saw how blue I was and decided to show me a You Tube video. I have watched this video about one hundred times. I have a weird sense of humor and this fits right into it.

Needless to say, it cheered me. I was laughing to hard I thought the twins were going to come out! :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FirXQLB2TFM

0

That is the number of how many we have to freeze. Zero. We got the call this morning that the last one didn't make it. So, I am hoping the two that are inside of me......turn out positive because we have nothing to fall back on!

We Gambled

Embryo #1

Embryo #2

That is what we did today! We gambled with our embryos. But this whole IVF thing is a gamble, right?

So, the one remaining "honor student" was not doing very well today. Bad enough that we couldnt transfer. And the remaining three were doing great....but....a day behind. So, we were left with decisions to make. Wait a day to see if the remaining three continue to grow. Or go ahead and put them in today.

Both decisions have their pros and cons. If we waited until tomorrow...the remaining three might not survive, then our chances would have been lost. But if we did it today....then it might be too early.

The other big decision was do we transfer one or two embryos? I was dead set on one. Twins run very high on my side of the family. I would be ok with twins if they could guarantee that the two embryos wouldn't both split...leaving us with four babies. I just couldn't see us being able to cope with four babies and no family to help.

So, after many tears shed and about a forty-five minute talk with the Dr., IVF Nurse, and Embryologist.... I looked at my Dr. and asked. "What would you do if your wife was in this situation." Without any hesitating he said.."put two in today." So, that is what we did..... we put TWO embryos in TODAY. We gambled.

There is no way of knowing if tomorrow would have been any better. But what if it had? We will never know. Its one of those..."Damned if you do..damned if you don't" type situations.

I left the house this morning feeling very positive about this whole process. The past two months, I have had a great vibe about it all. But right now, I don't. I am not sure if its because it was not what I had in mine...or if I just have that gut feeling. I hope I can find peace with it all.


I am not upset because we transferred two. I am upset because they are not as good as they wanted them to be. All along we had two great ones...and then they are gone. My "Honor Students" failed me.


But in a way...its a little ironic. Since the age of 20, I have had a passion for working with Special Needs Children/Adults. They were my life for about 9 years until I become a Mommy fulltime. I mainly work with Autistic children but I have a place in my heart for all that do not fit the "normal" bubble of society. I have gotten people out of their shell when no one else could.


So, to have my three slower embryos pull through for me....is a bit symbolic. It might be a sign from God to not give up on them as I do with my students. To have faith in them like I do everyone else that is a little different/slower.


This will all work out. One way or another. I know it will. Just a lot of emotions today and some that I wasn't expecting to have. Tomorrow will be better and I will be more positive!

Fourth and Final Report

(What ours will look like tomorrow)

Got the last phone call this morning. One of the "honor students" are no longer with us. Which is surprising! But the other one is still good. Therefore, we will have at least one to transfer tomorrow!!! Tomorrow!!! I cant believe this day is here! This is something that I have talked about for the past two months. But now it is finally here! I have so many emotions right now. I am trying not to think about it because I know my body doesn't need to be stressed out.

The remaining three embryos are still growing and it will be determined how many we will transfer, tomorrow. Since I am 30-35, the most they will transfer is 2.

I asked the Dr. what he would grade the one remaining"honor student." And he said..."Good." So, if that embryo is still "good" tomorrow. I would prefer to transfer just one....and have three others to fall back on if this cycle fails.

The last thing we need is to have four kids all at once. The closet family is seven hours away! Its hard enough doing it all on our own with one....I can only imagine with five!

Transfer is set for 9:00 a.m. Remember we have a three hour drive (there and back)...so I should have an update around 2ish or so. It is still all up in the air whether we transfer one or two. Gods in control so we have to just wait and see.

Thanks again for all of your comments, thoughts, and prayers! Tomorrow, I plan on taking pictures of our little "Creature." So, make sure you log back on for that!

My husband the Dr.

For the past two and a half weeks, I have been given myself five shots a day. My poor stomach is bruised and has tons of little holes that water could squirt out of any minute! It looks like World War III hit it!

The next set of shots, I can not give them to myself. Since the needle is so long, it has to be given in the booty!!! I have two good friends that work in the medical profession that I was going to recruit for the job. But after thinking about it, I needed someone that could give it to me at any time of the day.

So, I asked my husband if he would do it. I asked one of my friends to come over and administer the first shot and to show my husband how to do it. She did and the husband felt comfortable enough to do it!

My husband has his PhD. in Civil Engineering. So, he is always joking around and saying..."Who's the Dr. in the family?" So, tonight has he gave his first shot ever.....he said..."Now who is really the Dr. in the family?" LOL

I love my husband!

3rd Report

Happy Easter!!!!

Got the third report this morning. The two "Honor Students" (as I like to call them) have each split into eight cells. Which is on schedule. The other three have each split into four cells. They are a day behind, but that is OK.

The embryologist said that each one of them had a small fragmentation in them. I asked her if that was good or bad. She said it wasn't uncommon. When they start to get worried is when the fragmentation is around 30% of the embryo and she said mine is not even close to that.

So, we just wait until tomorrow. Tomorrow is when they make the decision on whether or not we have good enough ones to put back in on Tuesday!

2nd Report

Good Morning, everyone. Got the second report and all still looks good. The 2 eggs that are in the lead....have each divided into four cells. Which is good!!!
We have lost three. But the remaining three have fertilized and we are still waiting for them to divide. The embryologist said that the remaining three are a day behind so not to be too alarmed....they could possibly still divide this afternoon or tonight.

Until tomorrows report.......

Thanks to everyone for their kind words and prayers. We still need them as this is not even close to being over. Today, I am a little emotional. I guess its all catching up with me!

First Report

One egg matured yesterday. The rest became mature either last night or this morning. As of right now, we have two that are fertilized and the others....still waiting to see how they continue. So, pretty good news that all but one matured. Just waiting to see if they continue on the right path!!
A little sore today. Taking it easy today and hopefully make it to the Church Easter Festival tomorrow. See you guys tomorrow with the 2nd report. Happy Friday!

Nine

NINE EGGS!!!!

Not five or six, like we thought....NINE!!!! I think I even surprised my Dr. He came and talked to me after the procedure and told me that he was very happy with this number. He told me that he got more eggs out of me with having just one ovary then the lady before me with two ovaries!

Overall, its been a good day. Now on to the next step of watching my babies grow. Grow Embryos, Grow!!!!

Twas the Night Before Retrieval.....

And all through the hotel room.....

Since our Fertility Clinic is three hours from our home, we decided to spend the night before in a hotel . Therefore, we have no worries of being late and missing the opportunity.

It really frustrates us that we do not have a Fertility Clinic in our town of 300,00. If you count in the surrounding areas...the population is almost 400,00. Having to drive three hours there and three hours back has taken a toll. Though, it is something we have had to just deal with.

As I sit in this hotel room tonight, watching my husband flip through the channels.....I am trying to remain calm. Though, on the inside, I am a "hot mess!"

But there is another part of me that is very excited! Excited on what tomorrow may bring. Excited that tomorrow is my birthday. Excited that my Mother and little man will be home to greet me with a birthday surprise that they are "cooking" up!

With all my failed IUI's, I never really had a good feeling. I always knew deep down that I wasn't pregnant...way before I could test positive. But this time, I have this feeling that things are going to go great! I am hoping that this feeling is true. But I am being very realistic and also preparing myself for the worse tomorrow. Having only one ovary, my chances of having more than six eggs are slim. So, I am praying for at least 5 to 6 eggs...but realizing that I could have less.

God has been good to me. He has provided me with a son that I thought I would never have. I have to continue to have faith in him. I have to believe that he knows whats in my best interest.

Tomorrow is the day that I was welcomed into the world. And hopefully, another creation will start that process as well.

OMG!!!

Yesterday, while fixing my hair....there it was!!!! Staring at me in the mirror. It wasn't small. It was very long and was sticking out and laughing at me!!

MY FIRST GRAY HAIR!!! It wasn't a new hair that had just come in. O no, it was as long as the rest of my hair. I know I am about to turn 31 tomorrow and with all the stress over the past year...doesn't surprise me! But I think it is a little symbolic that tomorrow is my 31st birthday, my first egg retrieval and I just found my first gray hair!

I hope I don't find another one anytime soon!

Eight

That is number of follicles today! Though, only seven are good enough to produce eggs. I am still happy with this number. Three of the follicles are mature enough but the rest they would like to still grow a little. So, one more night of shots and then trigger shot Tuesday night with Thursday being the retrieval date.

Thursday, is my 31st Birthday! I have mixed feelings about this. Its my birthday....so it has to be a good day,right? Well, that's also April Fools! So, will God be playing a trick on me that day? Will he say...."you got tons of eggs and they all look great! Just Kidding! April Fools!"

Having my birthday on April Fools has always been fun. Since my name is also April....I have gotten a lot of "fun" grief. For my birthday this year, I just have one wish. Just one embryo to survive to implant. I don't want any diamonds or a trip to Jamaica. Just a successful embryo transfer.

I am still taking it one step at a time. And the next step is the trigger shot on Tuesday night. I have given this shot many times before with the IUI's. But this time....it will feel a little different. This is our only chance at having another biological child. We will not be able to afford another Fresh Cycle.

Once I give the trigger shot....its all in God's hands!

Hello...hello...? Is this thing on?

Since I changed my blog address last month, I feel like no one is reading my blog!! Is anyone out there?

Five

That is number of follicles that I currently have. There are possibly two more. The follicles that I do have are the correct size and hopefully.....two or more will show up on the Monday sonogram. I have to say that I was a little disappointed with this number. When on clomid, I usually have three follicles. So, I was sure that there would be at least twice the amount being on the shots. I am just praying that two more show up on Monday.

Trying to send all my good vibes to my one lonely ovary, Opal.(Yes, I have named her LOL) Hang in there....just one more baby is all I want. Then you can be retire and just relax!

My new friends

Low Dose HCG and Lupron x2 daily = $287.29
Menopur x3 vials daily - $399.50 a box = $1,997.50

Gonal-F x1 daily -$358.50 a box =$1,792.50

My nightly meds!

With all the "Heath Care Reform" stuff going on....just wondering if Infertility Coverage will be part of the new Reform?

Estrodial and more

Started my five shots a day on Sunday. I feel like I have the flu. No energy at all! I give my morning shot at 8:00 a.m. and around 11ish, I feel like I am going to pass out if I don't eat something. After I eat something, I feel normal. (Well, as normal as I can feel!) And then the rest of the day, I am exhausted. Has anyone had these symptoms? I am starting to get the "Full stomach" symptom!

Yesterday morning I went for my Estrodial blood work. They want it to be between 100-200 and mine was 150! So, perfect! I go on Friday for my sonogram and hoping everything is working correctly. I am afraid of a cancellation.

So far, I am doing ok on the shots. Better than I thought I was going to be. I am just praying for a good sonogram on Friday. I am taking it one blood test and sonogram at a time. Blood work yesterday = good. (One down)

I received a present in the mail today....

A very expensive present!!!!

Suppressed

Just got home from my Suppression appointment and everything is quiet! My ovary that is! I ordered the $2,275.76 worth of medicine tonight and should receive them on Thursday. With Friday being the first shot.
Today, I spent a total of $11,275.76. Makes me very anxious to know that we will spend all this money and nothing may come out of it. That is one of my biggest fears. We spend all this money and have nothing to show for. Then our monthly payments will remind me of what we DO NOT have. The guilt of our monthly battles of making the payments and us scraping by because I cant have a child naturally!
I am trying to stay positive and I know everything will work out like it should. I have faith in Gods plan. I just wonder if he has faith in me?

Positive Side

While, reading through one of my Photography Magazines....I got an idea. I read how a woman hired a photographer to follow her during her battle with breast cancer. He came to every appointment, surgery, and chemo sessions. Then made a book out of it.

Thus, the idea began. I am going to document my IVF journey through photography. I will take my camera with me to every appointment and try to document as much as possible. Hopefully, a BFP will come out of the IVF and therefore, I will make my own book with a happy ending.

I have decided that the first part of the book will be in Black and White...then if a BFP happens...the rest in color!

I have got to find something to help me cope with this process...and I believe taking pictures will help me with this process. Some people go for massages, others go to therapist...I take pictures!

As they always say..."A picture is worth 1,000 words!"

Just call me Grandma

That is what I feel like when I take all this medicine. Today, was my first day to start all of these at once. I know its nothing compared to what I will start in a couple of weeks, but I felt like my dear Grandma! :)

Every morning, my Grandma gets out her "Pill Organizer" and takes all of her meds for the day. After opening and closing six different medicines this morning...I laughed to myself of the idea of me needing my own "Pill Organizer."

Hey! I have to find the humor somehow in this process.... right? ;)

Health Kick

So, I should have been doing this all along...but cant go back in time. I have started on a very strict diet for the next month. Hopefully, a month will be enough. I found that lots of research suggested that the embryos that didn't take had tons of "Bad fat" in them. And of course, the ones that did take...had lots of "good fat."

I never really have had bad eating habits. I just never really watched it either. We hardly ever go out to eat. I mostly cook at home. When I get hungry, for a snack, I would eat peanut butter crackers. Now.....orange and some almonds. My breakfast meal usually involved a Pop-Tart and a Dr. Pepper. Now....Oatmeal, and a Caffeine free Dr. Pepper. (cant give up the D.P. all together.lol)

I am hoping to lose a couple of pounds with this as well as becoming healthier. Also hoping it will help with the IVF. I know it sounds silly...but we are about to give $14,000 to this process and I want to make sure that "I" have done everything on my side that I can! I just hope its not too late!

Thinking....

I have been thinking too much today. For some reason today, I am really worried that the IVF wont take. I have been going through my mind the "What ifs." I know I shouldn't do this but I am. Because this is our last shot to have our own biological child. We cant afford another treatment. At least not within the next two years.

My sister-n-law just sent me a video of her daughter dancing. Giselle just turned one years old this month. It makes me want a baby even more! I love that age. I love when they learn new things. I miss that and still want that. I want Conner to be able to laugh with us when the baby does something funny or new.

But I am afraid. I am afraid that this IVF will turn up BFN. I know I already have one child and that is more than most infertility patients have. And I shouldn't complain. I am just scared. Scared most of all that this wont work.

I already feel a hole in my heart from not having it work this past year. I am not sure what will happen if the IVF wont work. Doctor said I have 60% chance of getting pregnant. That looks pretty high, right? So, I am hoping and praying. Hoping and Praying.
I have my age, health, and previous pregnancy on my side. But I have one ovary, endo, scar tissue, and a not very good ovary against me. So, we will see.

I just wish most of all, that I am at peace with all of this. But for some reason, I cant find it right now. Please God grant me the strength to go through this without going crazy. You know I am a fighter and I don't like to give up. I had my first endo surgery at age 17 and from that day, I always worried if I would be able to have children. Nine surgeries later, I am still stressing about it and ready for it to be all over with. I know that I am not in control of this...but I am asking you to grant me a life. I don't ask for much. I don't ask for diamonds or expensive vacations. I just want a baby to hold.
AMEN.

All Quiet

Nothing much to report here. Just waiting until next Thursday to start taking my baby aspirin as well as my Dexamethasone. Then waiting until March 16th for my Suppression Appointment.

Its all quiet here...which I kind of like. Because I know once March 16th hits...I will be driving up to Kansas City (3 hours away) about one to three times a week. So, I am loving the quietness right now because in a couple of weeks its going to get crazy!

Welcome

I have switched blogs from infertility-myfault.blogspot.com due to family drama. Hopefully, I will start fresh with no more family drama!