Thursday, November 18, 2010

I need to stop!!!

Lately, I have been fixating on trying to feel the baby move. For some reason, I am panicking that when I go next Wednesday for my five month sono, they will not find a heartbeat. I cant help but think that this pregnancy was a miracle and that something is going to happen. I know I shouldn't think like that...but I am. I need to stop.

I guess I have had so much "loss" in my life for the past two years that I am still expecting that feeling. I am trying to enjoy it...but cant help but wonder if everything will be alright at the sonogram on Wednesday.

Deep in my heart, I know everything is fine. I am still sick...which is a good sigh, I guess. And I do feel the baby move. But after having so much loss in my life when it comes to babys...its hard for me to think positive.

I am just ready for the sonogram to find out the sex. Then I think I will be better. Like I said in my previous post...it will make it more real. I can start planning the nursery. Start shopping. Start looking at names. Making it more real.

There is no reason to worry about the baby besides me being just plain scared!

2 comments:

  1. I think what you are feeling is perfectly normal. I was nervous the entire time w/both of mine. Can't wait to find out what you are having, I'm sending pink vibes your way so you get one of each!

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  2. It sounds like a normal reaction. I had to buy a doppler to help me through my panic at times. Have you considered this? Also, and even though I am at a point in my pregnancy where I can feel her every day, I still will occasionally use my doppler and it makes me feel more comforted. I would consider it!

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