We Gambled

Embryo #1

Embryo #2

That is what we did today! We gambled with our embryos. But this whole IVF thing is a gamble, right?

So, the one remaining "honor student" was not doing very well today. Bad enough that we couldnt transfer. And the remaining three were doing great....but....a day behind. So, we were left with decisions to make. Wait a day to see if the remaining three continue to grow. Or go ahead and put them in today.

Both decisions have their pros and cons. If we waited until tomorrow...the remaining three might not survive, then our chances would have been lost. But if we did it today....then it might be too early.

The other big decision was do we transfer one or two embryos? I was dead set on one. Twins run very high on my side of the family. I would be ok with twins if they could guarantee that the two embryos wouldn't both split...leaving us with four babies. I just couldn't see us being able to cope with four babies and no family to help.

So, after many tears shed and about a forty-five minute talk with the Dr., IVF Nurse, and Embryologist.... I looked at my Dr. and asked. "What would you do if your wife was in this situation." Without any hesitating he said.."put two in today." So, that is what we did..... we put TWO embryos in TODAY. We gambled.

There is no way of knowing if tomorrow would have been any better. But what if it had? We will never know. Its one of those..."Damned if you do..damned if you don't" type situations.

I left the house this morning feeling very positive about this whole process. The past two months, I have had a great vibe about it all. But right now, I don't. I am not sure if its because it was not what I had in mine...or if I just have that gut feeling. I hope I can find peace with it all.


I am not upset because we transferred two. I am upset because they are not as good as they wanted them to be. All along we had two great ones...and then they are gone. My "Honor Students" failed me.


But in a way...its a little ironic. Since the age of 20, I have had a passion for working with Special Needs Children/Adults. They were my life for about 9 years until I become a Mommy fulltime. I mainly work with Autistic children but I have a place in my heart for all that do not fit the "normal" bubble of society. I have gotten people out of their shell when no one else could.


So, to have my three slower embryos pull through for me....is a bit symbolic. It might be a sign from God to not give up on them as I do with my students. To have faith in them like I do everyone else that is a little different/slower.


This will all work out. One way or another. I know it will. Just a lot of emotions today and some that I wasn't expecting to have. Tomorrow will be better and I will be more positive!