My Safe Place

Everyone has a "Safe Place." To some, a safe place is the house they grew up in. To others, its familiar smells and sounds of home cooking. To most children, its a pacifier or blankie. My "Safe Place?".....Austin, Texas!

Austin, Texas has been one the happiest place for me. Nothing but good things happened to me while living in Austin. To me, Austin is a sign of "Hope." When I moved here....everything was hopeful. I was hopeful in getting a college degree. Hopeful, in finding the man of my dreams. Hopeful, of one day becoming pregnant. All those "hopes" and dreams became true in Austin, Texas.

This weekend, we have returned to Austin to celebrate our Five Year Anniversary. (July 2nd) It was a last minute decision and something I am glad that we did. We dropped little man off at Grandma/Grandpa's and we are off for a fun weekend filled of laughter, friends, and great memories.

While driving into Austin, I noticed a familiar place. The Fertility Clinic that I used to become pregnant with my son. It brought tears to my eyes. Not necessarily because I am not pregnant. But because that was a time of hope and encouragement. There was never a moment that I thought..."I wont become pregnant!" It was an exciting time to be starting to "start" a family.

Now, I look back and sometimes wish I could go back to those "hopeful" days. Days that started with a positive attitude and ended with one. Now, I do not have much hope anyone. My days filled with youth and ignorance are gone.

I am worn down inside. My heart weighs so much right now, that I couldn't possibly think that there was any room for hope.

Everything in my life that was of any importance was all done here in Austin. Graduated college in Austin. Got my first "real" job, (that I loved) in Austin. Met the man of my dreams. Got engaged. Got married. And finally, two months before leaving Austin for Missouri, we found out that our IUI had worked. Little Man came 9 months later!

I long for those days. I truly do. I long for the days of "hope." Days of when life was so much easier. Not necessarily things like not paying for a mortgage or car payment...but when life was all about hope. When you just knew everything was going to work out.

I will continue to pray for hope and peace. But being back here is exciting but sad at the same time. I am going to try to enjoy my husband and our friends and be blessed for what I already have!